he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
