What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
