I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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