wrigley field is MILF paradise
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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