I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
