Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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