If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
We're too hungover to prance.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
