shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
