I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
There are leaves in my underwear?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
