so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
