I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
