does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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