OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
