This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
