dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
