remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
