I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
