just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Randomize
