Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
