It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
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