if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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