she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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