she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
