I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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