And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
