Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
