the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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