You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
