I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
