Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
