Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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