Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
