He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
