wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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