Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
