I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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