Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
