I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
