I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
did you just send me my own nude
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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