Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
