thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
