Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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