His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
