Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
