I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
