All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
