You're my little dorito
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
