woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
