He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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