So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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