so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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