we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
