I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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