i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
